Sleep is the sex of our modern times, and a new survey makes itofficial.
A recent poll by the National Sleep Foundation found thatAmericans are practically sleep-walking through their lives. And toolittle snoozing takes the oomph right out of that other activity wedo in our beds: sex.
The survey found that the average American is falling short of therecommended seven to nine hours of sleep per night. Aside fromcompromising performance at work and adding hazardous drivers to themorning commute, skimpy sleep makes intimacy more like drudgery -- atleast for the half of Americans who consider themselves poorsleepers.
So why is sleep sexy? Among the good sleepers, just 8 percent saidtheir intimacy was affected by feeling tired. Among the sleep-impaired, more than a third reported that fatigue was invading theirsex lives and leaving less satisfaction in its wake.
It may be our go-go-go society that has made sleep seem like aluxury. But it's not. Sleep is an essential part of our physical andmental health that is not entirely understood. Scientists know thatit does something good for the brain, which then affects every otherpart of our being -- mood, immune function, memory, metabolism andvirtually every other process imaginable.
It makes sense that sex would also go when these other functionsare on the decline. When we women don't feel good -- in any way -- wedon't want to have to have sex. There has even been research that REMsleep is important for maintaining good genital blood flow and thatwomen sometimes get clitoral erections (known as engorgement) duringREM sleep!
It's time for all of us to wake up and make sleep the priority itshould be. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your partner.More than three-fourths of those surveyed reported that their partnerhad a sleep-related problem. When insomnia, snoring or any otherchronic sleep disturbance drives a couple to sleep in separatebedrooms, the relationship often suffers. Sharing a bed allows you totake advantage of sexual opportunities when the mood hits, and keepsyou otherwise connected with pillow talk and cuddling.
Good sleep comes from good preparation. Avoid alcohol, caffeineand nicotine for two to three hours before bedtime. Some women can beespecially sensitive to caffeine and may want to avoid it up to eighthours before. Putting aside worries and disagreements early in thenight also help you get a better night's rest. Women can have a hardtime turning off their minds, so tuning out sources of stress beforeyou get into bed is important.
It might be useful to learn some relaxation techniques or yogaposes for nights that you just can't wind down. These techniques alsocome in handy when you find yourself waking up in the middle of thenight and unable to fall back asleep. Make sure your bedroom is freeof clutter and that your bed itself is comfortable, too.
Most of all, make going to bed at a regular, early hour apriority. Getting that last bit of housework done or talking on thephone is not going to satisfy you like sleep will. So the next timeyou or your partner fall asleep on each other, don't be so quick totake offense. Consider it an investment in your sex life for tomorrownight!
Laura Berman, Ph.D., is a sex therapist and director of Chicago'sBerman Center (www.bermancenter.com; 800-709-4709). Have a topicyou'd like to see addressed in a future column? E-maildrberman@suntimes.com.
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